Times when I cry: a list

1. When I am forced to confront my own mortality

2. Hallmark commercials about pets or babies or holidays or honestly anything at all related to Hallmark

3. When someone is not “upset with” but “disappointed” in me because I, say, lied about eating the entire sleeve of oreos or am, you know, unemployed and going no where in life

4. When I listen to piano versions of my favorite songs on Youtube as I slowly dissolve into my mattress

5. When I’m super sleepy and grumpy and people want things from me

6. When I meet people I idolize, they make eye contact with me, I realize they are the very manifestations of everything I desire, I confront the knowledge that I will never a) possess them, b) be them, c) make an impact on their lives whatsoever

7. When I watch movies about magic and come to the conclusion that I will never be magical but maybe ~*~in another life~*~

8. When I am incapable of putting words to feelings, and the words attempt to rock climb up my spinal column, but they haven’t been to the gym lately and their collective upper body strength leaves much to be desired, so they keep losing footing on the notches of my spine, so my brain is up at the top like “C’MON GUYS WHAT DO I DO” and the words are like “wELL YOU KNOW WHAT? MAYBE IF WE’D HAD A LITTLE HEADS UP, WE’D HAVE TIME TO CHALK OUR PALMS OR SOMETHING” and my brain is like “wELL WE GOTTA SEND SOMETHING OUT THERE” and so then my lips part for words but instead tears come out my eyes instead.

9. When someone is proud of me

10. When someone else is crying, even if I don’t know why, and my eyes start sympathetically stinging because wow something must be wrong like war or famine or a pet died or she stubbed her toe

11. When I stub my toe

12. When I read a really great book or short story like “Drinking Coffee Elsewhere” by ZZ Packer

13. When someone tells me I am worth something

14. Inspirational super hero films like oh man that scene in Spider-Man 2 when he’s dying on the subway after a fight with Doc Oc and all the New Yorkers lift him up and carry him through the train and the little bOY GIVES HIM HIS MASK BACK UGH 

15. When I hear funny words like “lemons” out of context

16. Lemons

17. Killing off fictional characters

18. Unfulfilled dreams

19. Video compilations of soldiers returning from war to get hugs from dogs or babies or wives or husbands or parents

20. When people tell me I am pretty :3

21. Aging

22. Not being Scarlett Johansson


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